CRYING - MEGADRIVE
Reviewed by Malc
shooter resurrected on the trusty Megadrive (or Genesis if you insist).
Bio Hazard Battle is now a venerable 6 years old (shows how old this
review is eh?), and is not to be confused with BioHazard by Capcom.
Not that you would anyway, it's just that it has the same name. And
they both feature genetically engineered horrible squidgy nightmareish
things that don't want to be best friends and have group hugs.
BHB (as it shall be known unto ye from henceforward) features some beautifully
drawn and realised ugly monsters, with some unusual and hypnotically
worrying music to unsettle you further. Each level has some new sick
beast that urges you to scream "Agh, it's minging! Blech!!". Not that
I've ever said the word Blech! out loud. It's like Pshaw! Tchah! and
Tut! - you never actually SAY them, but you get the idea.
Fab spaceships at your control here, not the usual rocketship with blue
translucent canopies, oh no. It's more like you are flying one of the
baddie's ships. And the weapons are tres fab too, you have a small 'multiple'
style ship which rotates around and spits out homing lasers, 8-way missiles
and assorted other bullets.
Choose your 'spaceship' before you start. Each one has different
weapon addons and are unusually designed.
End of level 2 baddie. Level 1 was simply a freefall from your dropship,
and wasn't very interesting to show you (I forgot to take grabs:)
This Slug with the twisty arse hides in a building and takes lunges
at you every so often.
Flying through level 3, with some fabby animated worm things. Multijointed
worm things are quite common in BHB.
Stupid looking Crab sub-boss. Looks as if he's trying to be coy
here, but in fact his arms and legs swivel round - dodge em and
blast his crabby arse.
This one defies description. Ok, I'll try. It looks like a pregnant
green corpse tree, with bondaged strawberries for a neck and a snake
skeleton head. (Blech!)
Sick innit? Dung pyramid with purple maggots. Don't stand in it.
I hate dog poo. My new boots are like magnets for the stuff. Had
to scrape it out the soles with cotton buds last night. We've got
this STUPID dog that likes to shit right in the middle of our garden
path especially for me.
Smart boss this one - he picks up blobs of the brown stuff (not
jobbies I hope) and sticks it on his skinny carcass in an attempt
to shield himself from your blasts.
Pustulous underwater level - I like the wibbly background. This
level has a brilliant variety of baddies...
... like these silvery fish who have lovely animated lights. Just
like those deep sea angler fish you see on the Discovery Channel.
I LOVE deep sea fish - they're like aliens aren't they?
Nasty NASTY NASTY!!!! Fast, with lasers and teeth, this Manta-Ray
derivant deviant is Hard with a capital F. This is as far as I got,
being quite useless. Loads more scary monsters to follow no doubt!
At this point I got the rest of the game snapped by Roger.
Ah, thanks Postman! Over to you:
Level 6 is the "battleship theme" level. All true shmups have a
level where you fight some large scrolling mega-fortress,
taking it apart piece by piece.
Keep peeling away at the layers until the core of the ship is left.
Quite horrible isn't it?
Level 7 is a maze, and you will find yourself going forward, backward,
and sideways. Watch for enemies in all directions (the red homing
shot works well here). This shot is the midway boss in his various
stages of destruction. Talk about the "evil eye".....
The level 7 boss is just a bunch of goo materializing and flying
at you. Not worth picturing, plus the action was so fierce I couldn't
stop to take the snapshot.
The final boss, not very impressive. The first ball form shoots
across the room (stay out of the way), the second calls in enemies
to attack you, and the third circles and shoots projectiles. Yellow
shot is most powerful for taking out biobosses.
The weak ending. Back to your aquarium, you sea-monkey looking things.
Why does every shooter threaten to not be finished with, and then
never come out with a sequel? Same as horror and sci-fi films, it
really annoys me too - Malc